I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
