seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize
