Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
