I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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