i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Randomize
