she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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