i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
