So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
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Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
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I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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