I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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