i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
