So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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