i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
