Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel