I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?