hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.