We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex