"it" just moved
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.