shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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