i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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