i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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