Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
everyone is single if you try hard enough
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
