is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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