So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
