Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I am mentally ready for anal.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
