Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
