In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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