Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
