is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
