i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
