Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
