If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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