Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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