We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
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