Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
