i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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