I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
