Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Rumble strips road head = magical
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
