i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
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