We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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