I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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