soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
