I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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