I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
