Hey man sorry I got all grabby
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
