You were right. It hurts to walk today.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
