When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Can you bring me the toilet please
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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