Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
