So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
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It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
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I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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