Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
