i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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