She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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