it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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