we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.