I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.