Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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