i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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