Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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