You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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