yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
