Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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