I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
