This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
