actually, I'm a sock model
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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