I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
