Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
