I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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