***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
thus making me awesome and them whores
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
