I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
