i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
