Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
it's like heaven, but drunker
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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