"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
