You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
