in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
