I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
