I want to make a zoo with you.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
