If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
