were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
