I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
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