so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
