shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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